Competition should be managed like a prescription drug. It's really great for creating certain chemistries, but there should be warnings on the label. Mis-use or overuse of competition can be bad for your health. In this article, we explore the concept of competition in youth sports and share some perspectives from both sides of an ongoing argument. 

Competition by itself is neither good nor bad. It is simply defined as the activity or condition of competing. It's how we frame competition and how we implement it that makes the difference between constructive competition vs destructive competition. 

The positives work when we, as adults, get deliberate about framing competition in a healthy way. If the coach or the parents are too focused on whether or not kids are winning, rather than HOW they are winning, the scales begin to tilt in the negative direction. "

"Wake up out there!," "What's wrong with you?!," "You're benched if you miss that ball again!," "If you're not winning, you're a loser!" 

These are all examples of words we might hear flowing out of coach's and parent's mouths. Can you see how this might lead to some of the items I've listed in the Risks column above? 

Take a look at the video below that delves into the subject of winning at all costs. 

We can have competition and character development at the same time. Achieving this kind of success is accomplished by adjusting the focus on what we define as a win. If we chose to look at HOW we win vs WHETHER we win, this becomes an easier task. It's just a matter of defining some of the "hows." 

If, for example, we define a win as leaving it all on the field, accomplishing the objectives we practiced in training, and coming away with some really strong lessons learned, then a "win" is suddenly within reach of every player on the field. Winning becomes achievable in every possible circumstance - provided we hit our marks on effort and perspective - and I mean REALLY hit our marks on effort and perspective, not just paying them lip service or using "we gave a good effort" as an excuse for poor performance. 

This is a much harder "win" criteria to coach or recognize because it's not binary. It requires coaches and parents to actively look for evidence of effort and perspective - rather than taking a shortcut by simply asking "what was the score?" 

As a former member of the U.S. Military and as someone who has read The Art of War by Sun Tzu more than a dozen times, I believe that there is a time and a place in human interactions for burning the bridge behind us and committing with everything we've got to killing the enemy. I think there is value in training a kind of all-in, take no prisoners, Spartan Greek "Ή ταν ή επί τας" (loosely translated "Come Back Victorious or Come Back Dead") mentality - for young adults preparing to go off into battle. Entire civilizations have survived or perished in direct correlation to their level of commitment to winning at all costs on the battle ground. I get this. 

I do not, however, see a healthy place for a kill the enemy spirit in modern youth sports (emphasis on "youth"). When I see civilian soccer coaches, soccer moms, and soccer dads kicking over lawn chairs and bringing this level of intensity to the sidelines of a youth soccer field, I would probably find it funny if it wasn't so sad. The effect it has is head turning, and it's place is on a battle field where the rules are to destroy.

Youth sports fields are for development and growth. We're training kids to be teachers, lawyers, artists, astronomers, and engineers. We're not teaching them - nor would soccer moms and dads be qualified to teach them - to be warriors. 

Viewed through a development lens, I ask myself how we want our kids to behave in modern civilization. Do we want a generation that supports, challenges, and lifts one another up, or do we want a generation of people who don't respect "the other guy," and do everything they can to win... cutting others off in traffic, or kicking the one who's down. 

My mother hung this poem in my room as a kid. It was bounded by a blue wooden border on the top and bottom, and hung by a white thread over a nail. For a period of time, I forced myself to stop and read this poem each day to myself before I left my room in the morning. So much of what I learned and believe about life was informed by this poem. I find these words appropriate once again. It took me a long time to think about and realize what this one line means:

"If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters the same..."

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling, 1865 - 1936